I hate myself.

That's it.

That's all I really wanted to say.

If you came here expecting some motivational crap because you're going through the same thing, well, buddy, all I can really offer you is some PikNik and perhaps this Spotify playlist, because music and junk food are the only things that do not feel like shit right now. No elegant strings of words here. Just a bunch of cussing and whining and bitching about this void of a life.

If you've encountered me recently, you wouldn't have outright thought I was trash. Don't take that personally – I thought I was not trash, too.

I now spend most of my days sleeping. You wanna know why? Because when I'm up, I feel anxious all the time, constantly on the verge of a panic attack, and junk food is the only thing that shuts that noise down. And I really don't want to eat junk food, because it means I would have to fuckin' exercise and when I do, I feel like I'm allowed to eat more junk food and that whole messed-up cycle is exhausting. So I just stay in bed, and now I haven't had any proper exercise but who the fucking cares.

I look in the mirror and cringe in disgust. I hate my face. I hate my hair. I hate my fucking knees. What's the point in keeping the upkeep? We're all going down.

And you know what? Thunder scares me now – a lot. I used to think it was just the gods going bowling, but, fuck, why is it so threatening all of a sudden?

The other day, I had trouble breathing and realized I was breathing the fucking wrong way. What kind of human garbage forgets how to fucking breathe properly?!

My jaws hurt from all the clenching it's been doing lately. I just want to rage. Break things. Stab myself, maybe. But when I look at my hands, they look so tired and it makes me reconsider. I don't know what that means but ok.

You might say, "Oh, but you have that documentary and all the other stuff. You should be excited!" First of all, I am excited. Secondly, it's myself that I hate, not the fucking planet, so don't you dare.

Others have it worse, fine, but does that make my woes invalid? Fucking shit, man. Is misery subject to such strict and absolute gradation that whining about the sky rumbling and junk food tasting so good must not be done out loud, lest you be branded an entitled, whiny millennial? 

Fuck you.

Fuck this shit.

The end.

One of the few landlocked towns of Antique is San Remigio. It doesn’t have the beaches or ocean views most of its neighbors have, but what it lacks in shores it more than makes up for in stunning rolling terrains. 

Located on the upper tip of Antique’s topography, Pandan is a town with plenty of surprises. Its name is derived not from the pandan plant as one would understandably think (although there’s no shortage of it here), but from an encounter with Spaniards in the days of yore – as is typical with Filipino town etymologies. 

Aboard Philippine Airlines’s flight to San Jose from Clark and chauffeured by Katahum Tours across Antique, I was able to experience some of the province’s offerings. I also got to stay at some of the province’s hotels and resorts. 

If you’re the planning a trip to Antique soon, here are some places to stay. 

Antique is one of the four provinces that make up Panay Island. It belongs to the Western Visayas region and opens up to the Sulu Sea.

The province’s geography runs at an almost straight line, but its terrain is composed of rolling hills and jagged peaks cut across by various waterways and bordered on one side by the ocean. With 18 municipalities, Antique has a lot to offer – from historical to modern comforts all the way to natural delights. If you’re planning to visit the province soon, below are some places to check out and activities to try.

Hey.

What’s up?

This here is an attempt. An effort to explain how much each of you means to me. Because I fear I may not be doing enough.

Let me start by saying this: every night I go to bed secretly wishing I wouldn’t wake up. To be offed in your sleep – that’s not a bad way to go, is it? Just – poof – it’s over. 

The island province of Marinduque is underrated. It deserves so much love for the variety of natural, cultural, and historical treasures it harbors. Located between the Tayabas Bay and the Sibuyan Sea, the place enjoys a host of beautiful beaches and stunning ocean vistas. It’s also where the Luzon Datum – the reference for all geodetic surveys in the country – can be found. Marinduque: The Heart of the Philippines – sounds about right. 

With more connectivity, exploring Marinduque has never been easier. If you’re traveling to the province anytime soon, I’ve compiled a list of places to check out in each of its six towns. 

The last time I’ve been to Marinduque – which was, what, five years ago? – it felt like a family vacation. I went with a grad school classmate of mine and stayed at their place so I wasn’t able to check out the accommodations on offer. On my return, aboard Cebu Pacific’s thrice-weekly flight to this island province, I was able to stay and see some of its prime hotels and lodgings.

If you’re visiting the Heart of the Philippines soon, here are some of the places you can stay at.

Storytime is a series of  stories about my most memorable travel experiences. Read more here.

“I want to look my best,” I announced to my roommates, a bit defensively. “I’m going up the mountains.”

My right elbow was up. My hand on the side of my head, supporting the handle of the curling wand, which was setting a section of my hair into a coil.

“Okay,” said Kara, in that judgmental drawling way of her that I was already familiar with. She was kneeling on the mattress on the floor in the middle of the bamboo room, fixing her things. 

An arm’s length from me, sitting on Astrid’s bed, Mujee snickered, which startled me a bit. I'd forgotten he was there.

“Looks great,” chimed Astrid, smiling reassuringly.

After spending almost a week combing through Antique’s offerings, from tracing historical sites to spending my birthday at Seco Island, I decided I have had too much water and not enough ground. And so, on the 7th day, when I had the chance, I escaped to the mountains.

I went on my own and DIY’ed my way to get me my dose of hike. It was absolutely worth it.